Monthly Archives May 2016

Doin’ It Doggy Style (Mandy Diary Entry 7)


Dear Diary,

I think my pussy got attacked by a Rottweiler.

Not like I tried to burglarize a house and was halfway over the perimeter fence when someone yelled, “Sick her!”

No, it’s not that exciting. And it’s hard to climb fences in heels.  

His name was Sergio, a big, handsome, but slightly hairy Russian guy. I met him at a fast food drive-thru, when he paid for my food. First, he blocked my car in so he could deliver it himself.

Cute right?

Turned out that way. At first I was just pissed because I was hungry and I was really in the mood for some curly fries and some douchebag wouldn’t move his car. Boy did I feel bad after.

So we went out three times and he was a perfect gentleman. He brought me flowers to my door and dressed the part of a man trying to court a woman...

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Pussy Bumper (Mandy Diary Entry 6)


Dear Diary,

My pussy was nudged the other day.

Wait, let me explain. Not nudged as in, “Excuse me, Miss, I didn’t mean to bump into your pussy. I was just trying to reach the gum” at the supermarket.

Now that I think about it that would be pretty funny. I’d probably have to be doing a handstand for that to happen though, right?

So how did it get nudged? I’ll tell you all about it.

You remember my friend Jill? The indie porn start who likes to fuck for the camera with big muscular guys? Her. Well, she won a contest at a restaurant the other day. Apparently the burger joint had teamed up with a spa and the winner got free lunch plus a couple’s massage.

Wait, side note. You know me...

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Mind of Men

I was thinking of some really random shit when this poem came to mind. You know me. This is what happens when I’m horny and bored and watching a kids movie. So here’s the warning. THIS POEM CONTAINS VERY GRAPHIC SEXUAL LANGUAGE. Please don’t read if you’re easily offended.

Mind of men (or at least my mind)

I’m lying in bed and she’s straddling my lap
But not sexually, just blocking the TV.
She’s got her sweatpants on and her hair tied back
And says she really needs to talk to me.

So I try to be a good husband and I listen for a second
Thinking she must have something important to say
But the truth is my eyes are glued to her tits
I love how they rise and fall that way.

I want her naked this way but it isn’t the time.
She’d rather talk about getting her nails done.
Manicures and pedicures a...

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