God will get you in the end.
That’s what a friend told me recently. We’ve been friends for a while and we both live down here in Central America. He’s been in and out of relationships and finally settled down with someone who is very active in her church. I’m happy for him.
Here’s where things get sticky. He’s known about my erotica writing since I first started, but he’s never really grasped how good it’s going. He used to joke with me all the time about my porn writing and I’d just go along with it, laugh it off, and shrug my shoulders. Most of the time I’d just respond, “Fuck you, man,” and we’d both laugh.
Then he started to say that kind of stuff more often.
Recently, during a Whatsapp chat (not sure if you guys use Whatsapp too, but it’s basically a text message app), he asked how the porn writing was going. I told him it was going great and I was headed to New Orleans later this year for a signing.
He said, “Where, at one of those x-rated book stores?”
I said, “No, actually it’s at the Marriott.”
“In a dark room with whips and chains and stuff, lol? Hey, I’m happy for you though. But God will get you in the end, lol.”
That fucking pissed me off.
Now, I never push religion down anyone’s throat, and I have to admit my immediate response to him wasn’t cool. I wish I could take back what I said next, because it wasn’t right, and it just flew out of my fingertips, but I wrote, “That’s not funny. I pray every day. And I believe God’s cool with what I’m doing. You just be happy with your new cult. Drink the Kool Aid and shit.”
But I said it. And I own up to it. My wife was really pissed about what he said and knows how much that kind of stuff bothers me, but she even said I’d gone too far. I prayed about it after. We’re no longer friends and I’m okay with that. I need supportive friends, not the kind that’ll make me feel like shit every time we get together.
As for God getting me in the end. I love God, I pray often (not often enough), and I try to live a good life. I try to be a respectable man, a good husband, and the best father I can be to my children. I’ll reach out to others when I know they’re hurting and I do my best to be a friend. I’m not perfect. God is the only one who can judge me in the end. God is not a pit bull you sic on people. No human being can tell me what God thinks about what I’m doing. I can only hope that he knows my intentions.
But all that aside, I’m writing this post because this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this kind of thing. I got a message once from a person on FB saying she felt the need to write me and tell me that I’m not meant to be writing what I write and that God didn’t give me my talents to use them creating sexual stories like I do. That’s just summing it up because her message was quite long and was much deeper than that. I tried to shrug it off. I was very polite to her and thanked her for her message. Then I blocked her. Why? Because I’m human and as much as I don’t want it to, sometimes those kind of messages really dig in deep and bother me much more than they should.
The negative clings to me sometimes and is probably one of the causes of my frequent bouts with depression. I’m not the only writer dealing with this. Quite a few of us struggle with internal turmoil and those pesky demons.
I’ve had writer friends leave the erotica scene because they felt like they were doing something wrong. They were quite successful too and they just decided it wasn’t the path they were meant to be on. Some fans got mad and slammed them for it, but when they told me about it, I sent a virtual pat on the back for having the balls to do what they felt was right.
What does this mean for me?
I don’t feel like what I’m doing is wrong. Do I question it sometimes? Sure. I absolutely do, especially when people shove it in my face like that.
Do my kids know what I’m doing?
Yes, kind of. They stumbled upon the C.C. Genovese name because our home computer saved it, and when they went to log into their gmail, there’s that list of different accounts assigned to google on that computer. So of course my oldest (13 years old) asked me who C.C. Genovese was. I don’t lie to my kids. I try not to. I didn’t tell her everything or exactly what I write, but I told her that I write books for adults. I made her promise to never look up the name or tell any of her friends about my author name, but that I write stuff about adult situations. She gets it. She’s a little confused I think as she recently told me how proud of me she is for how well I’m doing with this, but that she’s not sure what to be proud of since she doesn’t know exactly what I write.
I’m often asked at interviews if I would ever let my kids read my work in the future. My answer to that is…no. I wouldn’t willingly let them read my work. Only because it would be weird. I’m their dad, lol. I’m not sure I want them to know all the wacky stuff I can come up with. Does that mean I don’t expect them to one day try erotica? Of course I do. It’s a great genre and I’m sure one day they’ll be curious.
So back to what this means for me. I’ve said this before. I don’t believe sex is bad as long as it’s between two consenting adults. I use the words cock, pussy, clit, etc. in my work because sex is a hot, steamy, fun activity and those words are realistic. We’re sexual beings and to read a romance novel where it leads up to the sex, then suddenly says they’re lying in bed after the deed, that’s just a cop out to me. Why is that writer embarrassed to write about how it really went down?
I write stories. Even my masturbation companions have a story involved. They’re short, right around 5,000 words, but they still have some sort of story.
Game of Thrones is erotica. Have you seen that? Holy shit. They show almost everything. Yet, the same people who slam erotica are watching that show and spreading the word.
Banshee has some of the hottest sex scenes out there. That show is awesome. But most people wouldn’t consider it erotica.
Sons of Anarchy is one of the most awesome shows of all time, and the MC club owned a porn company!
True Blood is about as kinky as you can get. American Horror Story? Let’s not even go there. Sex and the City might not have shown much but the themes were straight up erotica! Mr. Pussy was the nickname of one of the characters.
The difference is, where a show like True Blood will show you almost everything visually, I tell you that Vampire Bill put his cock in Sookie. I’m only walking you through the process of using your own creative mind to mentally see that show. I might crank up the heat a little more than what you’d see on screen, but it’s your mind showing you those pictures.
And to all the naysayers, do you really think those characters from The Bible weren’t hooking up? Come on, man. The only thing kinkier than modern day TV shows and movies and even porn, is the historical hook ups that took place over the ages. There was some seriously wild shit going on back in the day.
Nothing that I write puts anyone in any position they didn’t choose to be in. I can’t speak for the really dark, twisted kind of erotica, but I try to make sex in the written form as consensual and enjoyable as I possibly can. And I plan to keep doing that.
I’ve said before in interviews, I write horror, dark fantasy, sci-fi, hell I’ll write it all. But I’ll write it like real life. And in real life, people fuck. So in my stories, there’s usually gonna be some fucking going on.
Thanks for reading,
Chris C. Genovese (C.C. Genovese)